Sarah Boon

It’s a debate you see you come up every now and then that never fails to go away. For young people in general, you see a lot of comments about preparing them “for the real world”. However, there can be another layer added to this when it comes to autistic people advocating for their needs. Especially when it’s for young people and making accommodations in the education system. You’ll also hear the phrase “it won’t prepare them for the real world” a lot. A controversial statement of this nature was made in The Times recently by the head of an autistic specialist school by proclaiming “Ditch the ear defenders: head equips autistic girls for real life”

A perspective that’s often neglected in this argument is that of the autistic adults who were subjected to these comments or similar growing up (whether their autism was recognised at the time or not). I am one of those adults, and I have several issues with that statement as a whole. So I thought I’d share why comments about “preparing autistic people for the real world” often fail us and don’t enable us to thrive when we reach adulthood.

Often, when statements like this are directed at autistic people, they are criticising us for not fitting into norms. When you dig beneath the surface, I found it was more of a moral judgment where people assumed we were purposely choosing to be “difficult” rather than advocating for our needs to be met for the things we find more difficult the most. After all, autism is still a disability. 

I tend to find the strong advocates in “preparing us for the real world” have a core belief that there is only one way to exist and go about your life in our world. I felt immense pressure to live by those values, especially before I knew I was autistic. So what was the end result? An utter disaster! It led to me leading a life that was in no way shape or form sustainable for me and exacerbated mental health issues.

It would only be later once my autism was confirmed that I realised the way we all are expected to function in this world was going against my way of being. If I was going to find a way to lead a happier life or even thrive, then I had to abandon the neuro normative ways we are told to live our lives. Including proponents of “the real world” trying to condition us to think that’s the only way of existing. 

People may be thinking well what is the alternative? and I’ll tell you. 

Firstly, as we live in an ableist world which routinely discriminates against autistic people, the most vital skills that I could’ve been taught are how to self advocate for my needs and my rights as a disabled person. If I had this knowledge from adolescence, I would’ve been a lot better prepared for many years rather than trying to figure this stuff out for myself as an adult. Knowing that I could ask for adjustments and what laws I can utilise when I was discriminated against would’ve helped me fight the challenges that the real world has thrown me so far. A point I’m yet to see covered in arguments that insist we must prepare autistic people for the real world. Because for many autistic people, this is a reality we will unlikely avoid. I guess many who make these arguments don’t understand enough about autistic people’s experiences yet? 

Also I found that school in no way prepared me for the “real world” despite being told otherwise at the time. It’s taught me conformity and compliance which only drove the need to hide my autism, as autistic traits are often seen as deviant (both intentionally and unintentionally). The result was I became a shell of myself and I lost my complete sense of identity from masking my autism so intensely. If anything I got the message, but I couldn’t change anything to better accommodate my needs because I existed outside of the norm. Which completely destroyed my ability to stand up for myself and self advocate when necessary.

In particular, The Times article argued that mainstream education is “too accommodating” for autistic children now and said that it was okay to be uncomfortable at times. However, there’s a difference between being slightly uncomfortable through trying something new and pressurising/forcing a child to go through something that aggravates their disability. The example of ear defenders were given due to noise hypersensitivity that some autistic people experience, which can lead to overstimulation, a highly distressing and painful ordeal.

Take the example from my own school days. I remember on school residential trips being forced to eat food where I had a hypersensitive sensory reaction to the taste and texture of food. The physiological response  was so strong it triggered my gagging reflex and made me feel physically sick. The school teachers treated me as a naughty child for something beyond my control. The trauma of which I still live with today. 

For some autistic children, the acuteness of some noises may trigger a similar distressing response. If using ear defenders can lead to this being avoided, then I’m all for it. 

Also in the real world, I have been given noise cancelling headphones at work as an adjustment. Many good employers will do this to be supportive of their colleagues but also to avoid breaching the Equality Act (2010). If employers don’t provide adjustments for their autistic employees, they can be found to be acting unlawfully. 

However when it comes to schools providing adjustments for autistic students, there appears to be less legal momentum in despite the Equality Act (2010) placing the duty on schools to implement reasonable adjustments (Gov.UK, no date). 

Schools have a duty to make reasonable adjustments under the law. So it raises the question of how many schools are violating this law when it comes to their approach and beliefs about autistic students and their needs? Autistic people deserve to have their rights upheld in every environment, including school.

Seeing this debate play out in the media only reminds me of how misunderstood I was in school through similar attitudes towards neurodivergence. Even though my autism wasn’t recognised in school, the traits I had which were yet to be attributed to autism were responded to harshly and criticised in an unconstructive way. It gives me very little faith that things have changed since I left 15 years ago.

I’m so grateful that now in adulthood I have rejected the world view of people who go on about the supposed “real world” and I have more flexibility to exist in a way that works a lot better for myself, alongside my noise cancelling headphones. 

If you enjoyed this post and like to support my writing, I would be forever grateful if you could buy me a coffee (or tea in my case).

You can also support the blog by purchasing my book ‘Young Autistic and ADHD: Moving into adulthood when you’re multiply neurodivergent’.

References: 

Eccles, L. (2026) Ditch the ear defenders: head equips autistic girls for real life. The Times. Available at:https://www.thetimes.com/uk/education/article/ear-defenders-head-autism-pzqsf5c5k 

Gov.UK (No Date). ‘Disability Rights: Education’. Available at: https://www.gov.uk/rights-disabled-person/education-rights